The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
