I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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