Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Still dying that you shit outside
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
