Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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