I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
