Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
