I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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