WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
