Having a random hookup so left but love u
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
