My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
