My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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