im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
