We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
