If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
