Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I will pee on everything he values.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
