We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
