hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
