I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
