he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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