The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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