ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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