i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
