I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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