The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
