what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
