The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
