I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
