youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
