am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
