Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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