Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
