My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
