In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
