nut hugger
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
