he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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