What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
