Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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