can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
