YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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