No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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