i would punch a child for taco bell
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The Olympian is in my bed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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