We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
