This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you inspire me to be a worse person
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
