tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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