Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
