i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
