i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
