In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
