I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
