Who wears a wallet chain?!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
