i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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