she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
