just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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