Kiss
Puke
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
